Capital Q(uality) Redux

So I've just re-read my Capital Q(uality) piece, and have decided it's a bit preachy for my taste. Which means I need to grapple with the concepts further.

I've noticed that my reactions to this issue, as outlined in Capital Q(uality), are much more manageable when I contemplate starting my own endeavors. Which leads me to question just how difficult it is for me to deal with the situation at my company itself. Is it the issue that anything my partners don't already understand is simply assumed to be my responsibility? Is it the amount of effort and care I have to put into projects when I simply have to lay it at the feet of my company, which is filled with people who haven't contributed to that effort at all? Worse, that they continue to lean on me during the effort? Or perhaps that they don't and will never be interested in the philosophy of why we're doing what we're really doing?

Or maybe it has to do with Art. I really like to be in the grip of the Creative. No, I need to be in that grip. I end up putting the Creative energy into work projects, and it feels unappreciated. Not unappreciated, more like abjectly wasteful, as if the Universe is not happy with me.

Or is it just that the amount of effort required doesn't match what I get back? It really is a massive undertaking to do these projects. I birth them, I navigate expectations from client, my company and myself, I create my way through them, and when I'm done, I have to forget about them. No one else in the company shoulders that kind of responsibility.

Or maybe it's about the control deadlines exercise over my life. All the way through my projects, I have to deal with deadlines. Somehow the deadlines are my cross to bear. Commit to a deadline and people will drive a stake through my heart if I miss it, even if I warn them up front that the deadline changes with changing information and understanding. Who knows of an IT project that hasn't taken longer than expected and gone over budget? And yet I still sit there and try to hit the deadline, even if I go way too far.

Or perhaps it's the fact that the Creative impulse in me turns into something akin to obsession when working on these projects. My head won't turn off and it makes me really nervous when contemplating the deadline and client once the project is under way.

Or, to follow the thread of this entire piece, maybe it's that I would much rather market a product or service only to the point it deserves. I want to grapple with it and establish its own limits beyond which additional marketing and advertising may harm it and me. And that's antithetical to an advertising firm.

Or that I might feel painfully embarrassed if I don't do a perfect job and people will deride me?

All of the above contribute, but as with everything in life, personal responsibility is the bottom line: the more I establish boundaries and demand what I need from those around me, the more I'm able to enjoy what I do.

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